It is estimated that in the UK, the number of unpaid carers has risen significantly due to our aging population. The most recent census (2021) showed the number of unpaid carers to be 5 million in England and Wales alone. One can only assume that this figure has risen during the last three years and will continue to do so.
In today’s world, being a caregiver for an elderly parent or loved one is often intertwined with caring for your own family, spouse and children, whilst running a house as well as holding down a job. Or you may be going it alone, which is just as challenging with little or no family for that extra support. Whatever your circumstances, it is a lot to juggle, and a role that statistically still falls predominantly on women. In the UK 60% of unpaid carers are women compared to that of men.
Caregiving is viewed as an act of compassion and selflessness, but along with that can come a whole host of challenges and emotions. As a carer or sole carer, we can feel anger, frustration, isolation and resentment. To feel these emotions is all normal and you are not alone. According to Carers UK:
“More than three quarters of unpaid carers, (79%) feel stressed or anxious, half (49%) feel depressed, and half (50%) feel lonely.”
carersuk.org
Changes to mood: If your mood becomes frequently changeable, where once your temperament was fairly even but now is quick in temper or unable to find periods of happiness.
Withdrawal from social engagement: No longer emerging socially where you once used to. Removing yourself from engagements and losing contact with friends and family, isolating and not leaving the house.
Lack of interest in hobbies/activities: No longer wanting to engage in activities or interests that once gave us pleasure.
Changes to sleeping and eating patterns: Problems falling and staying asleep or sleeping too much. Eating too little or too much.
Feeling overwhelmed or hopeless: Strong emotions of feeling as if you can no longer cope, along with ongoing negative feelings about yourself or the person being cared for. Feeling that everything you do is not enough. A continual low mood or wanting to harm yourself. If you are feeling any of the latter, it is very important to seek help immediately and let someone know how you are feeling.
Health: Stress can have a tremendous effect on our bodies causing our immune system to be compromised. We can be more susceptible to infections and more serious long-term health conditions such as heart disease or autoimmune disorders.
Asking for help
It’s imperative that if you recognise any of the above changes in yourself or someone you know that is a caregiver, to act on it. Giving yourself permission to get help will lead only to a better quality of life not only for you but also for those around you and the person you care for. After all, we cannot care for others if we are compromised ourselves. We can look to the following for help:
- Taking to a GP
- Accessing a talking or counselling service
- Joining a local carers support group
- Regularly talking with friends and family and asking for their support
- Liaising with Carers UK, Age UK and local carers hubs that can help you access support both financially and emotionally or respite care
- Employing a companionship service to help take the pressure off
- Employing other care services that can help support the person you care for such as Day Care or at home care support.
Employing a companionship service
Removing carers guilt and preventing burnout
As a caregiver we may struggle with the notion of employing a companionship service to help with caring for a loved one. It is natural to want to return the favour of caring for family members or loved ones if they have cared for us throughout our lives. However, we cannot always be everything to everyone, and the structures of our lives can make placing such demands on ourselves unrealistic. Ask yourself, is this something you feel you should do, rather than something that is expected of you from the person you care for?
Giving your loved one the space and opportunity to build a new friendship with a companion can add a new aspect to their lives. Having access to a range of different people socially allows us to continue to grow both mentally and spiritually. We find out new things about ourselves and our opinions grow and are enhanced by those we spend our time with. As the caregiver, although we have to give away some of our control here, it can be enriching to watch your loved one cultivate a new relationship with a companion. They gain some independence away from the family unit, which in turn resets family dynamics. The carer resumes their original role as spouse, sister, brother, aunt, friend, instead of being the carer for the time they are apart. This can really help in maintaining a strong relationship between the cared for and the caregiver, not least because everyone has had some time away from each other.
However much you may feel guilty about approaching a companionship service, the benefits can be extremely positive for the cared for and the caregiver. For the caregiver it can give much needed peace of mind in terms of just knowing their loved one is happy, supported and socialising.
More importantly having someone on hand that regularly see’s your loved one, means you are both taking a proactive step in health monitoring. Regular companionship can help detect the early signs of any health issues and these can be addressed promptly, removing the risk of a crisis. Employing such a service before we are at a crisis point means we can make small life changes slowly when needed which will make getting to a crisis point less likely.
At The Bespoke Life in Cheltenham taking a person-centred approach to both the cared for and caregivers needs, is a direct route to creating positive life improvements to all involved. The positive feedback we have had below really shows just how companionship can improve lives all round for the better.
“Both myself and my daughter work very busy jobs and our other family live away. My father no longer lives with my mum juggling time with my dad, time with my mum and my career, I’m finding myself feeling tired. Since introducing TBL to my mum, she has been able to visit my dad regularly while still fulfilling her hobbies and passions. They really take everyone’s feelings into consideration and myself and my family feel such a weight lifted from our shoulders.”
Mrs K
“I work full time in the NHS and my job is very pressured. Knowing that mum is getting out and about and enjoying herself is exactly what I need to take some of the pressure off me.”
Mrs C
Companionship can really help remove those feelings of guilt from family who are unable to be give the support they would like to.
“With having a busy career and a family of my own, I don’t always have availability to get my nan to her appointments, having the TBL really eases my mind and my nan having someone she knows to take to her to her appointments. The family portal is so helpful in the situation too, being able to relay the information from the appointment when I can’t be there, it also takes the pressure off my nan to remember every detail.”
Mrs R
For individuals who have become isolated and disengaged, time spent with a companion, slowly building up trust can really assist with building self-confidence on their journey of integrating back into society.
“Having rarely left the house, my sister needed massive encouragement to become more social. Doing this 1’2’1 with a TBL companion was the way to do it (having tried many other ways!). I am so pleased to see her enjoying a little of life again.”
Mrs D
“I popped over today and he was ironing!!! Something I haven’t seen him do for a long time; I think this given him a new lease for life. It takes the pressure off us, me with the appointments, it means we can visit him for a chat rather than driving/sorting/arranging everything. Thank you.”
Mr S
If after reading this you feel you would like to find out more about what The Bespoke Life in Cheltenham can offer as a companionship service, please do get in touch, we are here to help in any way that we can.
